Etsy Unmentionables: Native Tongues

I’m not ashamed to admit that I love Etsy, the online marketplace for all sorts of crafts and collectibles. I buy lots of gifts (for myself as well as others) from Etsy vendors, and overall I find the site to be a more dangerous rabbit hole than even Ebay or YouTube. I can get lost for hours. 

I’m also obsessed with arapaima (AKA, piraracu), the largest scaled freshwater fish in the world, and one that I intend to chase sooner rather than later with my friend Steve Yatomi. 

Combining the two, you can often find all sorts of arapaima oddities on Etsy, including handicrafts like belts, watch straps, wallets and purses made from the tougher-than-leather scales of the big fish and jewelry and smoking pipes constructed from their bones. 

There are also decals, artwork, magnets and even leggings from Hooked on Fly Outfitters patterned to look like this exotic predator. 

Nevertheless, this past week I came across what is not just one of the oddest arapaima items I’ve ever seen, but probably the single strangest Etsy offering I can recall: A gen-u-ine arapaima tongue, extracted from a five-foot-plus captive specimen. The seller is articulating the bones for educational purposes, but I guess the tongue was no longer necessary. It’s a bargain at $24.99 (with free shipping domestically), but be sure to act fast if you want it because there’s only one available.  

This is a reputable seller. Indeed, one of the first comments on the review page reads: “Love the vole heart!! So tiny and amazing to look at! Fast shipping! Will be a great addition to my oddities exhibit!” If you miss out on the arapaima tongue, you might wish to invest in a weasel skull, guinea pig heart or snake kidneys. Be sure to check your local laws on interstate commerce of these items.