Eat This, Not That: Anglers Inn Edition

I’ve made the same empty promise a hundred times: “I’m on vacation. I’ll have dessert. I’ll eat better when I get home.”

As I have gotten older (in age, not in attitude) my dinner plate has become my enemy. I thought I was eating healthy, but my cholesterol numbers were frustrating – my HDL and LDL levels were where they were supposed to be but my triglycerides were though the roof.

Genetics is working against me. I’m clearly my father’s daughter. In addition to some of his good traits, I also inherited his height and his cholesterol issues.

I have worked for years to figure out what to eat in order to keep my doctor from breaking down my door and shoving pills down my throat or putting a lock on my fridge. I refused to take drugs for my cholesterol, and went down one wrong path after another trying to stabilize my numbers with the right food consumption. In 2017 we finally hit on the right combination: low carbs, no sugar, no dairy. Through determination and discipline I got to where I wanted to be – and I never want to go back.

Everyone always wants to catch a 10-pounder when they go to Anglers Inn, but no one wants to talk about the 10 pounds of extra weight it’s possible to bring home. I haven’t gone that far, but I’ve left with an extra five for sure, as the food at Anglers Inn is ridiculously abundant and rich, and every part of it is YUMMY.

Well, it took some effort, and some experimentation, and I finally figured out how to enjoy the amazing food while not going completely overboard. The staff is very accommodating and with their help and by learning to say when enough is enough I don’t feel as guilty as I otherwise might.

ARRIVAL

The food rush starts the second you step off the van from the airport. There are cocktails and plates of nachos. If you’re going to quickly head on the water, they’ll pack you a bag of sandwiches, too.

I’ll ring in my vacation with a sip or two of the cocktail, but when we arrive in the afternoon dinner is not too far off. That’ll include appetizers, a full meal and dessert, so I decline the nachos and sandwiches and work on getting tackle ready so I can squeeze in a few hours on the water.

BREAKFAST

Every morning a staff member wakes you up between 5:00 and 5:30 so you can be out on the water at first light after eating breakfast. Lunch isn’t served until around noon, so you need to eat so you don’t get hungry in the boat (there is a cooler full of drinks in the boat, but no snacks unless you specifically request them). The breakfast buffet is loaded with choices: cereal, fruit, eggs cooked to order, potatoes, bacon, ham, pancakes and toast (and you can even ask for tortillas).

I choose eggs, over easy, scrambled or an omelet with veggies “no queso” (cheese) and a side of ham steak. All this protein gets me through the long morning and gives me energy to cast, catch and repeat.

LUNCH

Lunch is basically the size of an enormous dinner and if you eat it all there’s no doubt you’ll need to take full advantage of an afternoon siesta. Throughout your stay your lunches will include: hamburgers, chicken fajitas, fried fish, and carne asada.

Hamburgers: The big burgers come standard on a thick bun, loaded with cheese and with sides of fries and onion rings.

My solution: No bun, no cheese, no fries or onion rings. I keep the onion, lettuce and tomato, add a side salad and I always ask for extra pickles.

Fried Fish: The tilapia or mahi comes fried with a heavy breading.

My solution: I don’t eat fried foods any longer so I ask for grilled fish and enjoy the accompanying salad. I actually preferred the meal cooked this way because I can taste the fish and not just the breading.

Carne Asada: It normally comes with grilled potatoes and onions, with a side of queso (sometimes with chorizo).

My solution: This is my favorite lunch, and I really don’t have to do much to it except skip the queso as well as the potatoes and onions (grilled onions produce sugar, a big no-no for Hanna).

Chicken Fajitas: Grilled chicken in a cream sauce, served with grilled vegetables, tortillas, guacamole and salsa.

My solution: I ask for the chicken and vegetables to be grilled without any sauce, and of course I skip the tortillas. I can’t deny myself homemade guac, so I taste a little and try not to overdo it.

Wait, you’re not done yet – every lunch is followed by dessert.

My discipline is good, but I can’t deny myself homemade desserts, sometimes just a bite of husband’s (two spoons please). I will occasionally break down and ask for one of my own, but then I usually feel guilty and hand if off to my friend Aaron Rygas who harbors no such guilt.

After siesta it’s time to crush them on the water, so you need to crush some water, too — make sure while you are out there you are drinking as much water as possible (#hydration). Get the picture?

Make sure you fish like an athlete because Anglers Inn feeds you like one.

DINNER

Dinner starts with appetizers and I usually pass them up – even though I love chicken wings, quesadillas, shrimp Rockefeller, shrimp balls (far better and bigger than the name makes them sound) and jalapeno poppers. If something comes over me and I must indulge I just do a quick tasting and pass the rest to my friend Duncan Maccubbin.

Seafood night: They load up a platter with both grilled and fried seafood and the platter is consistently refiled. It’s served with a side of vegetables and rice.

My Solution: I eat the grilled shrimp and langostinos as well as the steamed veggies with no rice.

Barbecue Ribs and Chicken: Ribs and chicken in a sweet barbecue sauce, piled high and refilled constantly, with corn and baked beans.

My Solution: I request the same chicken and/or ribs, just without sauce. I also decline the beans and corn and ask for a salad instead.

Steak: They used to provide a bacon-wrapped filet, but a few years back it switched to an enormous ribeye, which I think is generally a tastier cut of meat. It comes with an incredible double-baked potato and brown sugar carrots.

My Solution: I get the steak cooked medium rare. If there’s some left over, I might have it with my eggs the next morning. It’s tough to say “no,” but I skip the potato and carrots and opt for a salad instead.

Mexican Buffet: This is the best night of the week, a long table of mostly high calorie Mexican goodies, much of it fried – and you can go back for more as many times as you want.

My solution: I won’t give the awesome menu away but I eat the steak and peppers, a homemade tamale and a load of guacamole (I consider this my cheat night).

Did you think I forgot? Dinner is not finished until you are served dessert. All of the desserts are my favorite but sometimes depending on how disciplined I have been through the week I will ask for a small dish of vanilla ice cream (and it better come with the chocolate rolled wafer!).

DEPARTURE

On the final day I make sure I eat a good breakfast as the only food at the airport is Carl’s Jr, a few cafes and convenience store junk food. The lodge will pack sandwiches or burritos if you’d like to bring a lunch.

At this point I’m not starving myself, but I consider myself DONE with vacation and back in serious health mode. Putting on the weight is easy. Taking off the weight is near-impossible, torturous and depressing.

Despite asking for a few changes to the menu, I truly don’t feel deprived while I’m at El Salto or Picachos. Yes, I’m giving up some foods that I love, but I know I will be going back. I also know that I don’t have time to go shopping for new pants, so I better fit in the ones I have hanging in the closet upon my return home.

Nothing looks as good as healthy feels.