Penis Envy

I’m 100 percent happy to be a woman, but I must admit that there are certain advantages to being a man. I mean, you have no “time of the month” and, as my husband says, “the whole world is your urinal.” I’ve always wondered what it would be like to (as Elaine said on Seinfeld) “walk around with one of those things.”

Before my recent trip to Guatemala, I wondered about something else: How was I going to reel in a 100-pound fish when many times a 4-pounder kicks my butt?

I knew that it could get uncomfortable and wasn’t sure where to hold the fishing rod -- Under my arm? Against my side? Or perhaps jammed into my hip? I feared that I might botch my turn and potentially have the rod torn from my hands. I didn’t want it to end up at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

When it was my first turn to fight a sailfish, one of the mates offered me the Arena Fighting Belt (by Aftco) and he strapped it on. I was a bit self-conscious, because although I had previously wondered what it would be like to have something between my legs full-time, I never thought I’d actually attempt this, in front of people, and especially on camera.

Then the fish hit and my blood flowed. Suddenly, they put the rod in place and the thing between my legs grew from a few inches to six feet long. I landed the fish, and many more, using that belt. Yes, in this case, strapping one on served a tremendous purpose.